Zoooom!

As of last Friday, we have finally taken the giant step into the 21st Century, although by quite a circuitous route. We have "high-speed" access to the world wide web.

Courtesy of my neighbor, of course, whose name rhymes with Berry Sanderson.

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(Warning: These paragraphs are nothing but boring, technical details, included here only because the author, for reasons unknown even to himself, feels compelled to dislcose them.) For the past five years, I have inquired from time-to-time with my local phone company (which rhymes with Berizon [Ha, ha, I love doing this]) about getting high-speed internet access and been told, "Oh, probably within the next 12 months or so." So last year, I decided to be the proverbial squeeky wheel, refuse to take "No" for an answer, and press the issue further that I might climb the rungs of the Customer No-Service Department ladder and perchance get ahold of someone who might give me a real answer.

It worked. One wishing to obtain high speed must be within 18,000 feet of the local telephone company's nearest CO (central office), the local gateway for dispersing contents of the web at high speeds. My aforesaid neighbor is all of 17,600 feet from the CO, hence the reason he was permitted high-speed entry. I am just a hair over 18,000 feet, hence the reason I was not permitted entry. In situations like this, I was advised, a booster could be used to send the signal out as much as another 1,000 feet. But my line had too many load coils (i.e. is really old) and couldn't handle a boosted signal at all. Oh, well.

This was all Mandarin to me, so I obtained 3rd party confirmation with other individuals I know who work in the rackets, I mean industry.

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So, when I made my annual call recently inquiring when I might be permitted entry into the high-speed club, the no-service specialist said, instead of their usual answer, "Its really anyone's guess at this point," (He really said that.) I began working on Plan B.

Plan B was to run a cable the approximately 305 feet from aforesaid neighbor's modem, through his apartment, out the wall, up towards the roof, under the eave, over to the telephone pole, along the wire to my house, under my eave, through the wall, and into my office.

Plan B worked. There you go. Here we are. And that's pretty much the story.